Parallel Therapy
Most couples therapies begin with the same structural premise: both partners in the room, at the same time, with one therapist. The focus is identifying and achieving the relationship they aspire to have and to becoming the partner they aspire to be. Any individual therapy occurs outside of the couples treatment with different therapists.
But there is a category of couple for whom the joint session has become the problem. The room is too charged. Decades of grievance are present in every exchange. One or both partners cannot access the vulnerable material that real change requires — not with the other person sitting three feet away. The needs of each partner are too different. The work cannot happen within each other’s presence.
Parallel Therapy is the structure I developed for those couples.
I work with each partner individually, in separate sessions, with the full depth of individual treatment. There are no joint sessions. Each person knows the other is also in treatment with me. Each agrees that I can share any information from any session with either partner at my discretion. Full transparency exists between each treatment. Both have consented to this structure. Both have agreed to focus on their relationship.
What is preserved from individual therapy is the safety that allows depth work — the kind that permits a person to confront a parent in a visualization, or grieve something they have never named, or recognize a survival strategy they have been running since childhood. I can zero in on each person’s stuck points and craft interventions that are uniquely tailored to each person’s developmental level. Often, this work is too overwhelming for the partner to witness.
What is preserved from couples therapy is the focus on the marriage and access to both sides of it. In conventional individual therapy, when someone talks about their marriage, the therapist is working from one person’s account. In Parallel Therapy, I am not working from anyone’s account. I am seeing both people directly — not their partner’s version of them.
My role in this modality is unlike anything in conventional couples work. I am a coach, a referee and a translator. I cross pollinate between each treatment, deciding when and how to disclose the other person’s viewpoints and which interventions are uniquely suited to each partner at the tome most likely to be productive.
The interventions are discussed and prepared in session, practiced in real life, and then returned to me from each person’s point of view. I get two versions of every experiment.
This position carries real responsibility. Each partner needs to feel that I am genuinely theirs — that I see them clearly, that I will not become the other person’s advocate. Managing that dual relationship with integrity is the central discipline of my role. It is also what makes it effective.
Parallel Therapy is not appropriate for every couple. It is best suited to those in established marriages where the joint therapeutic frame has broken down or where the depth of individual work required exceeds what couples therapy can structurally provide. It requires more sessions and greater expense. It requires some between session communication with me.
The gap between two versions of the same experiment is where the work lives — and where the relationship begins to change.
Logistics Parallel Therapy is a modality Dr. Herwitz developed for couples who want to work on their relationship but cannot do that work in each other’s presence. She sees each partner individually, in separate sessions, with the full depth of individual treatment. Although the work is individual, the focus is entirely on the relationship — what each partner contributes to the dynamic, and what each needs to change. Full transparency exists between both treatments. It requires more sessions and greater expense than conventional couples therapy, but makes possible a depth of work that the joint frame cannot provide. Upper East Side NYC and virtual | By appointment only | contactdrherwitz@gmail.com
Frequently Asked Questions
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In conventional individual therapy, each person's therapist works from one account of the marriage — their client's version. In Parallel Therapy, Dr. Herwitz works with both partners directly. She has access to both sides of the relationship, not a version of it. This allows her to cross-pollinate insight between both treatments, prepare interventions that are specifically tailored to each person's developmental level, and track the results of those interventions from both points of view.
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Yes. Before Parallel Therapy begins, both partners agree that Dr. Herwitz may share any information from either treatment with either partner at her clinical discretion. Full transparency is a structural requirement of the modality, not an option. Each partner knows the other is in treatment with Dr. Herwitz and has consented to this arrangement.
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Yes. Because Parallel Therapy involves separate individual sessions with each partner in addition to any joint time, it requires more sessions and greater overall investment. It is appropriate for couples where the depth of work required exceeds what couples therapy can structurally provide — typically couples in established marriages where the joint frame has broken down.
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Parallel Therapy is best suited to couples who are committed to the marriage but have reached a point where sitting in the same room has become an obstacle rather than a help — where sessions are too charged to be productive, or where one or both partners needs a depth of individual work that couples therapy cannot structurally provide. It is most effective in established relationships where both partners are willing to engage seriously, but separately. Dr. Herwitz will assess whether it is the right structure for you in an initial consultation.