Discernment Counseling

For couples at a crossroads — when one partner is leaning toward divorce and the other wants to fight for the marriage.

Why This Exists

For some unhappily married couples, the central question is whether both partners are committed to repairing the relationship. Many talented therapists are trained to treat marriages — they are rarely trained to address this question directly and constructively. The result is often demoralization, prolonged indecision, and unproductive therapy. A significant waste of time and money.

I learned this the hard way. That is why I pursued advanced training and certification in Discernment Counseling.

What Discernment Counseling Is

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured decision-making process — typically one to five sessions — created by William Doherty, Ph.D. for couples at an impasse. One partner is seriously considering separation or divorce. The other hopes to preserve the marriage. Both are stuck.

The goal is clarity, insight, and confidence about a direction for the marriage. Through guided reflection — done primarily outside the presence of the spouse — each partner develops a deeper understanding of what has happened, how the marriage reached this point, and their own contributions to the difficulties. There is no pressure to reconcile, enter therapy, or separate.

Who This Is For

Discernment Counseling is designed for married couples who find themselves in one or more of these situations:

• One partner is considering divorce; the other wants to work on the marriage

• Previous or current couples therapy has stalled, drifted, or is undermining the decision-making process

• Traditional couples therapy feels premature — the commitment to stay has yet to be established

• Both partners want to make a thoughtful, deliberate decision about the future of the marriage

• Both are open to examining their own role in what has gone wrong

The Process

Sessions run ninety minutes to two hours and combine time together as a couple with frank, one-on-one confidential conversations with me. The emphasis is on personal responsibility, insight, and a realistic understanding of your options: what a productive course of couples therapy would require, what a divorce would involve, and what it would mean to pause the decision and allow the discernment process itself to work.

The Three Paths

By the end of the process, couples arrive at one of three directions:

Path 1: Pause. Take time to absorb the insights gained during discernment. Allow the marriage to respond to what has shifted before making a decision.

Path 2: Initiate separation or divorce.

Path 3: Commit to six months of focused couples therapy, with divorce off the table during that period, followed by a reassessment.

There are many good reasons to slow down this decision and receive guidance from an objective professional. Clarity, responsibility toward family continuity, managing generational impact, and maintaining personal integrity are among them. Whichever path follows — pause, recommitment, or separation — it unfolds constructively, with discretion, respect, and honesty.